5w5d

Oh.....my.....word.

Words cannot describe what the last 24 hours have been like...we had a dr appointment scheduled with the usual OB/GYN yesterday to discuss the risks of this pregnancy with the fibroids, what to be on the lookout for, etc. They ended up letting me have an ultrasound, which we were ecstatic about. So before I go off on a rant, I want to say that I DO like this dr's office and this particular dr is the one who diagnosed me two months ago and he's been a good doctor, but after yesterday and the results shown today, I've lost all respect for him.

For starters, I told him exactly how far along I was - I knew exactly when I ovulated and exactly what day we conceived. He said women do not know when they ovulate and that I ovulated right after the Provera-induced period in January. Wrong. He said I was 7.5 weeks and we argued about it for a few minutes before he suggested the ultrasound.

The sonographer looked for a few minutes but couldn't find the baby in between all the fibroids (which, by the way, have all doubled in size....fantastic) so she fetched the dr.....he looked for all of three minutes and still couldn't find anything. So fast forward back to the consult room - he breaks the news that this is most likely an ectopic pregnancy. He said they would test my blood again to see if my HCG levels were going up, but he said to assume they had plateaued or gone down and to expect to have a D&C in the morning.

We asked to have a second opinion from a specialist. He wrote out the referral for us and said that when the bloodwork came back to expect to have a D&C tomorrow morning and they would test the tissue to see if they baby had indeed been there and just not progressed.

Needless to say, last night was a long one for us. Jay is already sick with either sinus infection or a cold, so neither of us slept well. I cried and prayed all night....back and forth (in between getting up to pee every 5 minutes lol) - I tried to be okay with "letting go" but that is a hard thing to do when you've already started mapping out your future and what you want for your family. I kept telling myself this is not our baby to begin with - it's God's and what He chooses to do with it is His choice and it's supposed to be a faith builder for us regardless.

Our appointment with the specialist was at 9am this morning. We went over a little history with the new doctor and sonographer and I explained to her the details of yesterday. They started the ultrasound and looked for a LONG time....probably a good 20 minutes or so. They measured all the fibroids and tried to move them around (ouch!) and we had finally given up hope that it was there when the sonographer said, "There it is!" It was TINY but clearly there, hiding in amongst the millions of stupid fibroids. I told the doctor about the ovulation/conception issue and that I knew the original doctor's estimation was wrong. She was very positive about it (unlike yesterday) and did the math, then agreed that the measurements matched exactly what I said about being 5 weeks and not 7. They looked at it for a long time and were pretty sure they saw the yolk sac, but not totally positive. The lab had messed up my bloodwork last night (of course, further delays, lol) but she promised to call me the minute they fixed it and said if the numbers had gone up, we were right where we were supposed to be. (She called me an hour later to confirm that the numbers HAD indeed nearly doubled, just like they were supposed to, and were now 7000-something!)

It makes me so upset to think about what could have happened - if we had gone with the original doctor's suggestions without doing any talking or praying about it ourselves, we would have been aborting a perfectly fine baby that had been there the whole time. Just because HE didn't see it, he assumed it was tubal and that just makes me so upset. Considering that information and also that this is a high risk pregnancy with the fibroids, we will be switching doctors. :)

We left with a tiny but adorable picture of a black lima-bean shape surrounded by a bunch of gray stripes and were able to leave our heavy hearts behind. It was very reassuring to know that at least it was where it was supposed to be and for now, baby is okay. We have another ultrasound scheduled for the 25th and it could go either way, but for now.....I feel good. =)

Thank you for your prayers - we have truly felt them today and know that this is a child of Jesus, no matter if he stays here or doesn't.