March 23, 2010

It's been 12 days since my last post and not much has changed. I'm still late, three weeks today to be exact. I took yet another home test last Friday.....negative. Something is going on, one way or another. Either I'm pregnant and just not showing up on tests, which, from what I read, is more common than I thought, or something else is going on hormonally. It could be a cyst or even something thyroid-related. Who knows at this point.......the negative last week didn't even effect me; I've gotten so used to seeing them that they really dont even upset me anymore. Is that sad?

I've been doing a LOT of Internet reading on so many subjects.....sometimes it's a good thing, but sometimes it's not. My emotions are so up-in-the-air right now - one day I swear I have to be pregnant, and the next day I convince myself there's no way that I am. I haven't been temping, but I did take it a couple of random mornings just to see if it was high, which is essential for pregnancy. It wasn't. So I dont really know how I feel anymore - I just want to know something. I had a teensy (very teensy) amount of spotting last night and was actually happy about it b/c it was finally going to be something definitive. I don't even care at this point if AF starts (of course it isn't my preference!) but I just want something to be definitive. I've thought about going back for another blood test, but I have a feeling it would be negative again, whether or not I'm pg, and I hate to spend $50 on one if I'm going to have to go to the dr one way or another.

Some of the things I've been reading only are very encouraging - there are so many accounts of people who did not test positive on home tests EVER, some who got positive home tests and negative blood tests, vice versa, even some who didn't test positive on a blood test until they were 8-10 weeks. Then I get confused about what ppl are referring to when they say "I didn't get a positive until I was 10 weeks..." -- does this mean 10 weeks gestational age or fetal age? B/c if I am pg, I would "technically" be 8 weeks today, but in reality, fetal age is only 5wks, and the latter is what I've been going off of. I dont know if these ppl are including the time it takes for an embryo to implant and the hCG to start flowing through the blood, or if they're just making a rough estimate from the date of the last AF. Then that gives me hope b/c I tell myself maybe I just tested too early with the blood test. There are SO many variables when it comes to hCG levels - some ppl say one number is average, others say it has to be "x-amount" by "x-week" to be considered pregnant.....................which one is right?!?!?!?

It's driving me INSANE.