Preemie No-Nos & Sarcasm at It's Finest

This post was inspired by an acquaintance who recently had a baby at 38w4d....that's 1w3d before 40 weeks. Well past preemie stage and definitely considered full-term. This person had the gall to say to me, "Yes, he's coming early! I so understand how you feel now! I hope we don't have to spend a lot of time in that NICU like you did." Is he sick? No. Is he expected to have to go to the NICU for any reason? No. (Her actual answer for that? "Well, he's a preemie so he'll have to." No, he isn't. He's full-term and weighs 8lbs so...stuff it.) "I had a little bleeding right before I found out I was pregnant - I know how you feel." Oh yeah? Did you bleed for 20 weeks straight? Did you spend weeks on complete bedrest? Did you race to the hospital several times, praying the whole way that you would make it in time so save your baby if something happened? No? I didn't think so. (This is where I ended the conversation and it would be best if she waited a damn long time before ever speaking to me again.)

 

Now before I post all of these and somebody goes off thinking, "Oooh, I said that and now she probably hates me," I don't hate anyone and while I did/do hear a lot more of these than I ever cared to, this is just a general list of things you should never say to a NICU parent - past, present, or future. I've said it before and I'll say it again (not to be ugly, it's just a fact) - if you have not been through it, you will never understand how it feels. You can assume all you want to but you DON'T know. 

So without further ado, here is a list of no-nos:

*Can you imagine if you had waited any longer to come in? (I try not to.)

*You don’t even look like you were pregnant. (That’s b/c I only gained one pound – Ruthie!)

*At least you didn’t have to suffer with the last few months of being pregnant. (Yes, good thing my baby didn’t get to finish growing in a safe, secure, unstimulating, quiet environment.)

*Labor must have been super easy for you, being she only weighed 1 lb and all. (I honestly can’t tell you how much I wish I could answer that one but my memory of that entire night has been stripped from me. I’ll never know and I hate that.)

*Now you have time to work on the nursery. (Just what I feel like doing!)

*You look tired. (You think?)

*At least you’re not on bedrest anymore. (Thanks for reminding me that I couldn’t do it long enough to buy more time.)

*At least you’re getting your rest. (Yes, that’s what I’ve been doing with all this downtime lately – resting. Never worrying, just resting in total peace.)

*Go out for a date night – you have free babysitting! (This one earned a bad word and she’s lucky I didn’t follow it up with a slap.)

*Soon you’ll be wishing you could drop her back off here for a break. (Not one time will I EVER wish my child to go back to the hospital.)

*You’re so lucky that you have nurses and drs looking over her all night and day. Other people have to call the dr’s office all the time.

*When is your baby coming home? She’s been there a really long time. (Thanks, I’d forgotten how many days.)

*Can’t you get the dr to just let her go home? (…..and do what?)

*Aww, how cute that she’s holding her little breathing tube. She must like it. (She loves it. There is nothing cute about a 1-lb baby holding a breathing tube – she should never have had to SEE a breathing tube in the first place.)

*Look at all those tubes! Aren’t you worried she might not make it and all of this will have been for nothing? (If this had been a face-to-face conversation, I would have been jailed for assault.)

*Just so you know, she’s probably going to have a lot of medical issues. (Thanks, I hadn’t thought of that before.)

*It’ll be over before you know it. (100 days later….)

*I understand she’s a preemie, but when do we get to see her? (OH MY GOSH – if I had a dollar for every time I heard that one, we would own a yacht right now.)

*Germs are good for kids. (Come over here and I’ll show you what’s good for you.)

*Why do you have all of those pictures on Facebook of her covered in tubes and wires? It’s weird. (Then don’t look. Better yet, here – let me unfriend you and you won’t have to worry about it.)

My current favorites:

*If you had just nursed, your baby would eat better. (Oh, but I loved pumping every 3 hours around the clock when I was super exhausted. And by the way, it wouldn’t have mattered b/c she is allergic to dairy, but thanks for your opinion.)

*Don’t worry so much about how much she eats, she knows when she’s hungry. (Actually, she doesn’t. She has sensory issues that limit her from feeling hunger. She’s never once cried for food.)

*She’s so small for x-months old. What’s wrong with her? (This was the most hilarious [ie: bitchy] conversation I’ve ever had – in the waiting room at the eye dr office with the worst white trash redneck I’ve ever come across.)

*At least you get to have a small baby for a longer time. That’s nice! (Yes, it’s fantastic that my almost 8-month old only weighs 11 lbs. No matter what or how much we feed her, she doesn’t grow like your 22-pounder, who, by the way, has more rolls than Ryan’s Steakhouse.)

*You sure do love that hand sanitizer. (You betcha. Here, wash your hands.)

AND THE WORST OF THE WORST (at least for me):

*She's home now so why can't you just get over it? Put it behind you and move on. (I have TRIED. I’ll never get over it. If you watched your tiny baby fighting for every breath she took (or that was taken for her), wince & flail every time her blood had to be drawn (4+ times every single day), struggle to learn the basics of life - breathing, temp control, eating), you wouldn’t either.)

Oh, how this PTSD is getting the best of me some days.Well, that and sleep deprivation from all these on/off pump feedings. I know there plenty of people who have had it FAR worse than we have. I am so grateful to have a relatively healthy, beautiful baby girl....sometimes I just need to vent my feelings, and writing is the best form for me.